She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
