she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
