mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
