Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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