I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
