Cold hands, warm shart.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
