thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
