oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
