i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
