Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
