I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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