i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
