i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
