So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
