1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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