How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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