I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
