Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
