I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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