great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
