i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
