I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
there is glitter all over my balls
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
