Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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