Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
