I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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