I think my fart just growled at me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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