He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
