This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
