That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
