Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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