Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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