After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
