so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
