Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
