dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
