every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
