woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
