i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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