Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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