I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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