The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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