sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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