Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love