Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

go do what you do best...puke behind churches

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(305): go do what you do best...puke behind churches http://tfl.nu/kmxp

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(951): View more from California

Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.

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(951): Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already. http://tfl.nu/bhvw

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(+93): View more from

woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!

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(+93): woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge! http://tfl.nu/6tpc

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(205): View more from Alabama

Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut

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(205): Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut http://tfl.nu/pdjw

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(619): View more from California

I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.

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(619): I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated. http://tfl.nu/km5l

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.

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(828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying. http://tfl.nu/gcnz

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(804): View more from Virginia

I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

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(804): I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast. http://tfl.nu/dcvd

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms

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(508): I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms http://tfl.nu/pddu

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(845): View more from New York

This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.

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(845): This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink. http://tfl.nu/qaqf

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(209): View more from California

Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.

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(209): Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid. http://tfl.nu/85w7

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."

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(512): I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy." http://tfl.nu/udmr

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?

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(413): How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA? http://tfl.nu/rcz7

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(417): View more from Missouri

nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.

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(417): nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml. http://tfl.nu/44ox

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(734): View more from Michigan

There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option

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(734): There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option http://tfl.nu/svkl

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(817): View more from Texas

Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.

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(817): Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me. http://tfl.nu/booy

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