so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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