my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.