I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch