You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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