dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
