Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.