your room smells of hookers.
And success
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
