I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
