i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
