Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
