I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize