did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
