Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
