I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.