"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.