I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?