She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!