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ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
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