he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
