love makes seman taste better
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
