It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize