guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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