I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
