I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
