1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
