Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize