fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
