Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
