69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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