Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
