Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
