watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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