I'm jealous of your bromance
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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