what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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