My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
