Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
