My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
