I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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