JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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