yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
