I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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