I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
