Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
