so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
